Community, Pt. 5: Humility & Wonder

Take Communion

Leader: Begin your gathering by taking communion together, whether as a full meal together or some version of the bread and the cup before or after dinner. If you don’t already have a Communion plan, have someone read these words from David in Psalm 133:

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe.
It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

Review the Last Practice

During the last Community Guide, we talked about the Practice of intentional friendship. Before we talk about tonight’s Practice, let’s take a moment to talk about how this went. As a reminder, some suggestions included telling a friend what they mean to you, and being intentional to bless people around you.

  • How is your Practice of intentionally engaging and participating in friendship going? Any stories or updates?

Read This Overview Aloud Together 

Relationships can be complex. Spending time with the same people week after week means discovering—if you haven’t already—that you each see the world differently, go about life and relationships differently, and communicate differently. Those differences make us who we are, and yet they can lead to relational rough spots that are uncomfortable or downright painful. And depending on our background or personality, we all engage conflict differently. We may be met with the desire to confront aggressively, to ignore it, or perhaps just to leave the Community altogether in search of one where things like this don’t happen. In reality, though, wherever there are people, there will be conflict. But while many of us worry that the mere presence of conflict means something is fundamentally wrong, conflict is normal and facing it well together makes relationships stronger, not weaker.

As the people of God, we are on a journey to become a healthy family. Not one that never disagrees, but one that can deal with differences, confront one another in love when needed, and grow together in the process. In other words, we are called to be a people who practice reconciliation. Is it easy? No—it requires the humility to search yourself for where you might be wrong, the empathy to imagine the life of another, and the vulnerability to do this alongside others. But even though it takes time and intentionality, it is worth the hard. On the other side of conflict, if we approach it with curiosity, compassion, and genuine love, we find a deeper, richer, more beautiful family of God.

This week, we want to practice humility and wonder, as we ask God to search us and help us to take steps toward being a people of reconciliation who live at peace with one another.

Do This Practice Tonight

Tonight, we’re going to spend some time together in a guided prayer asking the Spirit to search us, bringing to our awareness any relational wounds he wants to speak with us about (whether ours or ones we’ve caused). Don’t worry though—we’re not going to spend the second half forcing anyone to say who in the room we are having conflict with. Instead, after a time of guided silent prayer, we’re going to split into smaller groups to talk through some discussion questions, pray for one another, and go over our Practice for the coming week.

But first, before we get started, take a moment to find a position you’ll be comfortable praying in for a few minutes. I am going to slowly read through Psalm 139 and then offer a questions for us to each silently talk with God about.

(Leader: Read Psalm 139. When you’re done, read the following questions aloud, leaving a minute or so pause after each question.)

  • God, where do you want to show me that you are with me?

  • Where do I wish the darkness would hide me?

  • Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. God, is there any relational wounding or conflict in my life that you want to speak to me about right now? What do you want to say about it?

(Leader: After a minute or so more in silence, close the time in prayer by thanking God for how he was present to us in these moments.)

Next, we are going to split into smaller groups (men and women, triads, etc.) and process through a few questions:

  • What was that experience like for you? Do you find exercises like this difficult or easy? If so, what contributes to that for you?

  • Did the Spirit bring anything or anyone to your mind? Did he invite you to take any step towards reconciliation? (Keep in mind that we want to honor people, so, where it’s appropriate, try to not use names or too many details.)

  • How do you typically react to conflict? (e.g. fear, defensiveness, avoidance, etc.)

Close your smaller group time praying for one another, that each person would feel God’s love even in the midst of him “revealing any offensive way in [us],” and asking that God would lead each person in “the way everlasting.”

Read The Practice for the Week Ahead

In Romans 12, Paul says that as far as it depends on us, we are to live at peace with everyone. This means that we should be going the extra mile to ensure that we are engaging in reconciliation. In our culture, one of the bravest things a person can do is to confront someone. And while it does take courage (and is very important at times), the way of Jesus seems to suggest that equally courageous is to humble ourselves, going to a brother or sister and asking them for forgiveness. Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of life together is this kind of confession, as it requires humility, vulnerability, and trust.

The practice for the week ahead is to continue this exercise of humility in a few different ways.

First, take time to ask God to search you and reveal if there is conflict that needs resolving or sin in your own life that needs to be owned. Practice confession and repentance.

Next, in an intentional practice of empathy towards our brothers and sisters, if there is a situation in which you have been wronged, consider asking the Lord to show you something about the person who has wronged you. As to know his deep love for that person, or perhaps how the scenario felt from their perspective. Practice curiosity, compassion, and empathy.

Finally, ask God to teach you his “way everlasting” as the psalmist writes. If there seems to be a pattern of relational brokenness in your life, engage the Practices of slowing down and meditation. Cultivate the margin in your life required to become contemplative about your actions, God’s presence, and other people’s belovedness.

End in Prayer

Leader: Close in prayer, asking God to help you to be good friends to the people around you.

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Family Guide: Generosity

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Community, Pt. 4: Friendship