Primer Guide 3 : Family
Review the practice so far (10 min)
In reflecting on the topics we discussed last week, let’s briefly consider the following questions together, one at a time:
How would you rate your current comfort level with the Practice of Prayer? This level can fluctuate back and forth over time, so there's no judgement here, just honesty.
Facilitator Note: Set a timer for 10 minutes. When the timer is up, move on to the next section.
Read this Overview (5 min)
A group of strangers meeting every week, cooking and sharing a meal, practicing the Way of Jesus together… What could possibly go wrong? The reality is that in this very Community, we will experience both the joys of being part of God's family and the challenges of sharing life closely with others. Our Community is defined by three identities: as disciples, family, and missionaries. Tonight, our focus will be on our identity as family. As we discussed in Basics, being a family—one that is characterized by love, security, and transformation—requires commitment and communion. It requires risk and responsibility. And inevitably, it will require both rupture and repair.
Tonight we’re going to practice what it means to be family—people who take relational risks, who take responsibility for one another’s hearts, and who stay even when things get hard. We’ll do this through three short exercises: Listening, Forgiving, and Staying.
Exercises for tonight (25 min)
Part 1: Listening (15 min)
The focus of this exercise is to experience how risk—received with responsibility—cultivates safety. Let’s begin by splitting into pairs, preferably with someone you don’t know well. Each person will take 3 minutes to share one “high” and one “low” from the past few weeks—moments where they experienced God’s presence, or felt that he was absent.
Meanwhile, the listener will practice active listening. When listening, turn your body toward the other person, maintain eye contact, and don’t interrupt. When someone finishes sharing, briefly summarize what you heard and how you imagine they might have felt. With sincerity, end by saying something like: “That must have felt joyful. I’m grateful you let me in on that.” or “That sounds really hard. Thank you for sharing that.”
After 10 minutes together, I will call us back in before we begin our next exercise.
Facilitator Note: Split the group into pairs. Set a timer for 10 minutes. Have them practice this exercise. When the timer goes off, gather everyone together again and continue reading.
What we just practiced is risk and responsibility in action. Listening is how we create safety and honor the image of God in one another. Next up is Forgiving.
Part 2: Forgiving (5 min)
The focus of this exercise is to take on a posture that seeks repair when rupture occurs. In Community, the risks we take won’t always be met with responsibility, and we will inevitably disappoint one another. Tonight, we name this reality before God and prepare our hearts to forgive. When someone in the Community does something that irritates or hurts you, our rhythm should be to follow Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 18, by moving toward them in love with two distinct postures: assuming the best and seeking to understand.
By assuming the best, we mean staying curious about the situation. Ask yourself, “Is there a chance I misunderstood what happened or missed something about the context?” It’s possible there was information you didn’t have. By seeking to understand, we mean going to that person quickly and lovingly to ask about that context. You might say something like, "Hey, when you did that thing, it made me feel left out. And I know you to be someone who includes people really well. Can you help me understand what was going on and how we could maybe do it differently next time?" These simple yet courageous actions are what make repair—and real family—possible.
But before we bring our pain honestly to others, we must first bring it before the Lord. Together, let’s pray this liturgy of Forgiveness—pausing now to close our eyes and take a deep breath. [Pause] I will read each line slowly, allowing you to repeat after me, aloud together:
Lord Jesus,
You alone are perfect love.
Forgive us for expecting one another to be You.
Teach us to forgive as You forgive,
to release one another from our debts,
and to choose love, even when it hurts.
With our eyes still closed, we will enter our final exercise for the night—Staying.
Part 3: Staying (5 min)
The focus of this exercise is to see commitment as formation. There will come a moment when staying in Community gets uncomfortable. But this is often where formation happens—when we choose to love beyond preference or convenience.
Of course, no Community is forever. The practice of Staying—our commitment to this Community—often becomes most formative when we engage in healthy conversations of discernment about when it might be time to move on. There are many good and faithful reasons to leave a Community: a job in another part of the country, buying a home across town, moving back to care for aging parents. These are healthy transitions that should be celebrated and blessed.
But there are also times we may want to leave for reasons that, if unexamined, can be deformative to our souls—things like avoiding relational conflict, harboring resentment over unmet expectations, or simply losing the initial excitement of being in Community. In those moments, our invitation is to reflect honestly—and when it may be time to consider a change, to engage the communal gift of discernment by bringing those reflections to our Community Leader, or to the Communities Team.
I’d like to invite each person now to open their hands before them, as a sign of commitment, and pray this short prayer together, the same way we did previously, one line at a time:
Father, anchor us in Your steadfast love.
When we are tempted to run, teach us to remain.
When we feel unseen, remind us that You see us.
Make us a family that stays—with You, and with each other.
Amen.
Tonight we practiced what it means to be family, through Listening, Forgiving, and Staying. These are not one-time acts but lifelong habits. As we continue to meet, week after week, may this room be a place where risk is received responsibly, rupture is met with repair, and commitment transforms us into people of love.
Exercise for the week ahead (10 min)
Now, as we continue our conversation about leadership in our Community, we’ll take the last 10 minutes of our time together tonight to share if anyone feels prompted to apply to be our Community Leader.
A few things to keep in mind:
First, you don’t need to be certain—just share any initial interest you might have.
Next, it’s okay if more than one person is interested. We’ll trust our Community Pastors to walk with us and discern what is the best scenario for this season.
Finally, this is just the beginning of the conversation. We’ll keep praying and discussing leadership together over the next couple of weeks.
To start, did anyone sense anything from God during last week’s intentional prayer time?
(Facilitator Note: End with closing in a short prayer, blessing what God has been speaking throughout the night)
